Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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