We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
