dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
