3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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