A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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