if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
