Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
