oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
