3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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