He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
