I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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