I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
