What did we do last night that was yellow?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
