I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
