Where are you?
In a non slutty way
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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