i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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