hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
