I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize