omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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