My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize