Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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