Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
