Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
