U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
