Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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