Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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