She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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