last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
