Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
