I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
