The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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