We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize