I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
