Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
