You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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