I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
