considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
