yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
