no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
