No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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