I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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