i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
