Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
not ubering you a puppy
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
