what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
