I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
pray to the hookup gods
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
