If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
