Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
