there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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