Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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