John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
