remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
