My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize