but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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