For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize