And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
NoShamevember. You game?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
