YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
