I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
