is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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