Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
