just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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