A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just made out with a guy for $7.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
