I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
