I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
