the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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