he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
