the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize