Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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