I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
