I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
