and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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