At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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