Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I want to fling myself into the sun
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
